I first began this post with the thought of sharing the little details of our lives lately... I've come down with another cold; Jillian stuck a floride tablet up her nose at preschool; Chloe's best friend spent the day with us yesterday and the kids were witnessing to her; Nathan made pilgrims and indians in class, as well as clay molds of his hands; Lowell needs prayer for the coming winter months of long, cold days and the burnout that inevitably follows... And then I found this website and I was distracted...
http://aholyexperience.com/2008/11/getting-through-hard-times.html Wow... I have been struggling daily with anger and sadness... First I'm angry at how my days are so filled with need. The needs of others - all around me I hear, "I'm hungry", "I need help", "Where's my...", "What's for dinner?", "Did you...", "Can you...", "Go get...", ... The demands and requests are seemingly neverending... And I feel empty. I don't feel like I have anything left to give. And I'm selfish - I don't want to give anymore! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! And then I'm heartbroken when I'm alone in the car, after dropping them off at school... remembering how curt I was. How I didn't take time to kneel down and wrap them in my arms and tell them how much I love them... How I didn't whisper a prayer for them to get them through the day at school... How I wasn't a very good example of Christian love... How I could've done better. And then I get depressed.
I'm already sad and overwhelmed and then the shame compounds it. It feels like a never ending cycle. But maybe this website offers a reminder... and a solution. My focus shouldn't be on my strength or my ability to give - it should be on who He is and living with His power. My eyes shouldn't be on my performance as a mother but my goal should be to turn their eyes to Christ by having mine there as well. I'll never be a good enough mother on my own. This job is so precious and so important to me... I'll never do it well enough on my own. But through Christ, I can have strength and patience. I can love with His love and not with my own feeble version of love. When I try to admit to others that I'm just tired. I'm just tired of being a mom and just tired of giving, I often hear "Don't you love your kids?". The guilt the comes from that comment.... Anyway, of course I love my kids. It is because of how much I love them that I've pushed myself this far... It is because of how hard I try to be everything for them and to do everything with them and to give them every opportunity that I've become so exhausted. I haven't taken the time to keep myself fed. I was blessed by our vacation to Phoenix. Our marriage was definitely refreshed. But my own soul is still withering. I haven't fed my soul in... a long time. It's been quite awhile since I was in my Bible and not sitting in a pew at the same time. So, I'm going to find a few minutes to set aside for my Lord... And I'm asking for prayer for discipline. And for joy... for a refilling of my tank so that I can start giving again with a joyful heart... I am praying for gratitude and joy when it seems that there is little to be thankful for... Strangely enough, if I would only take the time to look, there are soooo many things to be grateful for. Lord, open my eyes to the beauty, the gifts, the miracles that You place in my life every day. I pray that
my first thought in the morning will be one of gratitude and one that acknowledges You as the giver of life, of strength, of love and of joy. I am so thankful for my family. You've given me a husband who is amazing... He truly is my hero. I've been so blessed with a man who I can rely on, trust completely and who I can be myself with... Who knows me inside and out and loves me anyway... One who knows the importance of telling me that he loves me, and one who does the little things that show me his devotion... I'm so spoiled - even if I can't get a dozen roses a week anymore. :) (
http://www.frommetees.com/ ) I've got a trio of kids who are so smart, so healthy, and honestly so good... And who love you as only children can. You've blessed me, Lord. Remind me of that... Show me beauty, don't let me take my life for granted, Lord. Today and every day, I am so blessed, even in the times when life seems hard... You never leave, Lord and that is the greatest gift ever - the gift of Yourself. Thank you for Your love, Lord and help me to show it to my family and to others who You bring into our lives. Thank Your for continuing to love me even though I'm such a slow learner. :) You are amazing, Lord. Abba. Father. Daddy. Alpha and Omega... Yahweh. Elohim. Adonai. Jehovah. El Shaddai... I think I'll be re-reading Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy.... Until next time, I'll be praying that you know our Heavenly Father too, and that His joy will enter your life and bless you.
http://aholyexperience.com/2008/11/getting-through-hard-times.html
I first began this post with the thought of sharing the little details of our lives lately... I've come down with another cold; Jillian stuck a floride tablet up her nose at preschool; Chloe's best friend spent the day with us yesterday and the kids were witnessing to her; Nathan made pilgrims and indians in class, as well as clay molds of his hands; Lowell needs prayer for the coming winter months of long, cold days and the burnout that inevitably follows... And then I found this website and I was distracted... http://aholyexperience.com/2008/11/getting-through-hard-times.html Wow... I have been struggling daily with anger and sadness... First I'm angry at how my days are so filled with need. The needs of others - all around me I hear, "I'm hungry", "I need help", "Where's my...", "What's for dinner?", "Did you...", "Can you...", "Go get...", ... The demands and requests are seemingly neverending... And I feel empty. I don't feel like I have anything left to give. And I'm selfish - I don't want to give anymore! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! And then I'm heartbroken when I'm alone in the car, after dropping them off at school... remembering how curt I was. How I didn't take time to kneel down and wrap them in my arms and tell them how much I love them... How I didn't whisper a prayer for them to get them through the day at school... How I wasn't a very good example of Christian love... How I could've done better. And then I get depressed. 
I'm already sad and overwhelmed and then the shame compounds it. It feels like a never ending cycle. But maybe this website offers a reminder... and a solution. My focus shouldn't be on my strength or my ability to give - it should be on who He is and living with His power. My eyes shouldn't be on my performance as a mother but my goal should be to turn their eyes to Christ by having mine there as well. I'll never be a good enough mother on my own. This job is so precious and so important to me... I'll never do it well enough on my own. But through Christ, I can have strength and patience. I can love with His love and not with my own feeble version of love. When I try to admit to others that I'm just tired. I'm just tired of being a mom and just tired of giving, I often hear "Don't you love your kids?". The guilt the comes from that comment.... Anyway, of course I love my kids. It is because of how much I love them that I've pushed myself this far... It is because of how hard I try to be everything for them and to do everything with them and to give them every opportunity that I've become so exhausted. I haven't taken the time to keep myself fed. I was blessed by our vacation to Phoenix. Our marriage was definitely refreshed. But my own soul is still withering. I haven't fed my soul in... a long time. It's been quite awhile since I was in my Bible and not sitting in a pew at the same time. So, I'm going to find a few minutes to set aside for my Lord... And I'm asking for prayer for discipline. And for joy... for a refilling of my tank so that I can start giving again with a joyful heart... I am praying for gratitude and joy when it seems that there is little to be thankful for... Strangely enough, if I would only take the time to look, there are soooo many things to be grateful for. Lord, open my eyes to the beauty, the gifts, the miracles that You place in my life every day. I pray that 
my first thought in the morning will be one of gratitude and one that acknowledges You as the giver of life, of strength, of love and of joy. I am so thankful for my family. You've given me a husband who is amazing... He truly is my hero. I've been so blessed with a man who I can rely on, trust completely and who I can be myself with... Who knows me inside and out and loves me anyway... One who knows the importance of telling me that he loves me, and one who does the little things that show me his devotion... I'm so spoiled - even if I can't get a dozen roses a week anymore. :) (http://www.frommetees.com/ ) I've got a trio of kids who are so smart, so healthy, and honestly so good... And who love you as only children can. You've blessed me, Lord. Remind me of that... Show me beauty, don't let me take my life for granted, Lord. Today and every day, I am so blessed, even in the times when life seems hard... You never leave, Lord and that is the greatest gift ever - the gift of Yourself. Thank you for Your love, Lord and help me to show it to my family and to others who You bring into our lives. Thank Your for continuing to love me even though I'm such a slow learner. :) You are amazing, Lord. Abba. Father. Daddy. Alpha and Omega... Yahweh. Elohim. Adonai. Jehovah. El Shaddai... I think I'll be re-reading Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy.... Until next time, I'll be praying that you know our Heavenly Father too, and that His joy will enter your life and bless you. http://aholyexperience.com/2008/11/getting-through-hard-times.html
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Lord, I pray for my beloved friend, Rani. I ask that You would help her to be disciplined in her seeking You first each day, and that she would see the undeniable filling-by-Your-love that will be so abundant it will OVERFLOW into the lives of those around her. I ask that You would give her energy during this very busy season of her life, and help her as she prioritizes. And I ask that You would send people into her days that will tell her what a blessing she is. Help her to recognize and be able to refute Satan's lies that discourage her. And bless her today. Amen. (Rachel Bennett)
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