Living By Truth

I almost had a seizure today. Why?, you ask. Well, the simple answer is because my son spent all of his money on rubber animals at Walgreens today. But the real answer is much more complicated. A couple weeks ago at church, Pastor told a really moving story about his son wanting to send all the money he had been saving to Haiti. And today, my kids were talking about the offering that they take each week. Chloe said that she wants to give some of her money next week...
So, this afternoon, Lowell sent me to Walgreens to get some ice cream for milkshakes. Nathan went with me. (Chloe was playing Battleship with Daddy and Jillie was sleeping) And he took his money with him because he's been wanting to spend it for a couple of days. In the toy aisle, we started going through what he could afford and what he wanted to spend his money on... And whether or not he was going to save some of it for Haiti. He decided that he would spend all his money and then work at home for another dollar to give to Haiti. I let him make his own decision but this disappointed me for some reason... My shoulders felt heavy as guilt weighed on me. My 7 year old is not very willing to give. He is selfish. And so am I. This is the human condition, but I want better for myself and my kids.
So, guilt has arrived.
Pastor today spoke about all the famine in the world and how our perspective in America is so tweaked. For us, he said, "famished" means that we went from breakfast to lunch without a snack while for about 1 billion people (1/6 of the population), hunger is a daily companion - real hunger... I know that I am not supposed to hear these things and feel guilty - they are supposed to motivate me to action. Instead, my brain immediately goes to condemnation and I become immobilized by feelings of regret over opportunities lost and mistakes made. This is not what God wants for me!!! Jesus came to earth specifically to take my (and everyone's) sins upon Himself so that when God looks upon us, He sees someone forgiven and a slate wiped clean. So I don't have to live in the past and I am not bound by my mistakes or screw ups. I have been set free to live each day new...
That being said, I experienced guilt today over how I may not be teaching my kids enough about generosity or thankfulness and that I don't know enough about these things either. Instead of living in that guilt for the rest of the day, I'm going to stand on the promise that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) and that I will have the strength I need to teach my kids so long as I ask for it. (Isaiah 40:31) So, I'm going to take captive my guilty thoughts and not let them control me. I don't have to live by how I feel - I can live based on truth. And that's what I'm going to do. So there. :)