Not Feeling Very Well

The first week of school is over for my babies. They were EXHAUSTED by Thursday night! But the enthusiasm hasn't burnt out yet! :) We had a Wednesday night Open House at Chloe and Nathan's campus because the construction on the school was finally finished. Both of their teachers said they were doing just fine (after three days! :)) and that neither of them were talking a lot with their neighbors. This was an area of concern with Nathan last year, so we wanted to check up on him and Chloe is sitting by her best friend - I wasn't sure that was going to be a good idea. I'm proud of both of them and their maturity. Open House also gave us a chance to talk to Mrs. Grundy - Nathan's teacher from last year. I was bummed that Chloe didn't get her for a teacher; she was fantastic! And after speaking to her Wednesday night, I learned that she was bummed to not get Chloe as well. We're not going to try to move Chloe into her class because of Chloe currently being with her best friend Abbi, but I might push to have Jillian in Mrs. Grundy's class - I think Jillie will thrive on the discipline the Mrs. Grundy requires.
Thursday also signified the end of my second week of my newest classes. I'm taking Psychopathology and Research Methods. Research methods is about as interesting as it sounds, but psychopathology is awesome! Its being taught by my favorite professor and its my "in person" class this quarter. Both of those factors really help with keep my level of interest up, but even without those things the subject matter is really cool!! Psychopathology is all about studying mental diseases - how they're diagnosed, what they look like, a little bit about how they're treated... All the "nuts and bolts" of what I've been wanting to do. This is what most people typically think of as "psychology". (I've used a lot of quotes in this post... hmmm, interesting...)
Anyway, this coming Thursday will be the beginning of week 4 - the halfway point, for my classes. As of right now, I have 13 weeks of school left. I've been really looking forward to the end of school and yet, now that I can see a faint light at the end of the tunnel, I'm beginning to freak out. I am scared of the practicum and internship that comes after school... I'm used to classes and homework and tests and projects. I don't feel prepared for what comes next. Usually when I acknowledge a fear or something that I'm stressed about, I don't experience the physical symptoms that can come with large amounts of stress.... Not so this time.

I've been miserable for about three days. I keep having what seem to be panic attacks or more like symptoms of attacks that last for long periods of time; I feel sick to my stomach, I get really hot, I feel like jumping out of my body, my neck is soooooo tense, I'm frustrated and upset and on the verge of tears... when it gets really bad, I can't breathe and have a hard time just being in my own skin. Sleeping or just laying still are the only things that seem to make me feel better. Conversely, I think not doing my homework or not cleaning the house are what makes me feel like this... So today, I worked with the kids and cleaned the house. And I've been working on my homework. I still feel crappy although not as bad as yesterday... It doesn't seem to be getting any worse but it is still very difficult to sit here and read my textbook... I have a hard time concentrating and I just feel horrible. I don't know what to do about it except for just keep pushing through. So that's what I'm doing... I'm going to clean up a little and then get back to reading and attempt to write my paper. Hopefully I'll make it through. And then I'll take a nap and pray that I feel better tomorrow.