Bad Attitudes

I have a bad attitude today. I'm grouchy and I want my own space. I don't feel good and I'm tired. I feel drained and angry. I have blown up at the kids because they are making messes and getting rowdy... But, honestly it wasn't really their behavior that was getting to me -- it was that they were infringing on my personal comfort. I wanted to stay on the couch where its warm, or watch my tv show, or not have to clean up the kitchen for the 19th time today... Frankly today, I just don't want to be a mom. And yet, I am one. Like it or not, my home is filled to the brim with three little energetic bodies that beg to be talked to, played with, praised, guided, fed, etc... They don't understand that Mom feels yucky or selfish or just needs a break - all they know is that Mom's grouchy. I don't want to be a grouchy mom... Unfortunately today I don't really want to fix my attitude either. I just want to be selfish and have my space.
How can I justify that when I spend so much time reminding my children to not be selfish?
Nathan and Jillian have been fighting soooooo much lately. Nathan can't handle how Jillian likes to change the rules of games so that she can win. He can't handle how she always wants to get her way and how she 'never' wants to play Star Wars with him. I am having a very difficult time with Nathan as he's going through this stage -- he blames his failures on everything or everyone else -- usually he blames Jillian. If he gets in trouble, its because of Jillian. If he gets tagged in the game, its because Jillian didn't play fair. If he finds that a toy have been left on the ground and has gotten broken, its either because Jillie put it on the floor or because she went into his room and stepped on it.
Poor Chloe is stuck in the middle, being called to choose between her siblings. Who will she play with? Who's game will she play? What does she do when the other two are mad at each other and can't get along? She likes to play with Jillian because she's a girl and they like to play similiar things... But she also gets frustrated with Jillian's difficult personality. And, lately, Nathan gets left out in the cold. I will admit that sometimes its his own fault - he throws a fit when it isn't necessary and then no body wants to play with him....
Ugh. I'm just tired. And grouchy. And now Nathan is left outside playing by himself because they were playing hide-and-seek tag and Jillian got him. Can I pull the covers over my head and hide until this stage is over?