Very recently, I found myself struggling with the reality of our current situation. I am away from my children significantly more than I am okay with. I am not available to attend school functions and I miss out on their waking time at home. I was struggling with my financial need (and I believe, calling) to work, and my inability to be the kind of mother that I also feel called to be. At times, this responsibility I've been given as a mother feels like a weight so heavy that I almost can't bear it. Before I am misunderstood, let me explain that the weight comes not from the burdern on the work that I do, but from the weight of the love that I have for my children. I am so intent on providing for them, blessing them, protecting them, being with them, and trying my very best to raise them how God wants me to... The burden I feel is the pressure I place on myself to, somehow, show them how much I love them by being a good mom. This burden has been extra heavy as of late because I've had to abdicate some of my parenting to another as well as being left out of a couple of special moments because of needing to be at work. I was torn and I was miserable. And so I began praying. I cried out to God that I was unhappy and that I wanted to give my children more of myself but that I needed His help. And I sent out the word for a couple close friends to join me in prayer.
Fast forward to yesterday... I got a call from work asking me if I was still interested in switching to graveyard shift. Oh boy, was I ever!!! The position, for now, is temporary - only until the end of the year but I am rejoicing. This is the change that I've been praying for because our schedules will now allow me to sleep when my children are at school and to be awake and attentive to them when they come home. I'll be able to help them with homework and get them ready for bed. I can start reading bedtime stories again and I can be there for whatever school functions come up. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed. I was able to keep my two days off - Wednesday and Thursday, so that I am still able to go to school and have the same days off as Lowell. Now my prayer is just to make it permanent! Thank you to those who helped me life this up in prayer, and thank you, thank you, Lord for once again blessing me and answering my cry for help.