Thursday, February 25, 2010


I spent some time tonight with a woman who had come to the end of her ability to cope. She was in a place where, as she put it, she felt as though she was choosing to hurt by choosing to live. The choice, in her mind, was ridiculous. Why choose to continue to be in pain? So she came asking for help... My prayers are with she and her little family tonight. Getting her to a place than can help her was not easy...
This circumstance, while probably uncomfortable for almost anyone, brought me to the brink of tears on multiple occasions. I have been in this place. I have felt those feelings... And I have sat on that fence struggling to make the choice to continue with another day. This woman's circumstances and my own share some striking similiarities that brought back memories of those moments of darkness... And reminded me of the joy that I now experience. And how thankful I am that God pulled me through!
It is my prayer that this family is also brought through this experience to a place of joy and peace... I doubt I'll ever see the outcome, but I pray that God does a mighty work in them.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Above All Else

This Beth Moore Bible study is great... I'm learning a lot about Revelation as well as other prophetic portions of scripture. However, I think the bigger thing that I'm learning is that I don't have passion when it comes to Christ. When I watch Beth, I can feel her love for her Savior. And I don't have that... I don't have the burning desire to wake up in the morning and spend time with Him. I don't have the excitement that she feels when she opens the Word or the fervor to know more about Him.
More than feeling guilty about it, this makes me sad. I know that God desires for all His children to know and love Him... And I feel like the church at Ephesus - I've lost my first love... (Rev 3) My passion is not like it used to be. And I want it back.
Tonight, I'm listening to Above All Else by Vicky Beeching... In this song, her overwhelming desire is to know Christ. She doesn't want a happy life, more money, health or fame.. Just Jesus.
"Jesus, my passion in life is to know You
May all other goals bow down to this journey of loving You more
Jesus, You've showered your goodness on me - You've given Your gifts so freely
But there's one thing I'm longing for:
Hear my hearts cry and my prayer for this life
Above all else, above all else, above all else
Give me Yourself. "
I want that to be my prayer. After all, Matt. 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness..." That is my desire for this year... I want to learn to put His name and His Word, His face and His plan, His love and His heart... I want Him to be first. Above all else.

A Special Day

Yesterday Boogie and I had a special day together. We went to Walmart where they have a nail salon and Boogie got her very first manicure. She was very proud of her fingernails and walked all through Walmart with her fingers cautiously splayed. The Asian ladies kept laughing at her and seemed to enjoy painting the tiny fingernails of a curly headed bundle of fidgit. The end result was adorable. After the painting, Jillie and I spent time shopping; looking at earrings, trying on clothes, and just spending time together. Then we set off to the library. The Buckeye Library has a pet turtle and fishes in a terrarium that Jillie loves to watch. And I love inspiring the kids to develop a love for books... So, we came home with armloads of books, held snugly by pretty painted fingers. :)

Monday, February 15, 2010


Happy Valentine's Day to me! :) Love you Honey!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I love you, Lowell!

I know its too early for Valentine's Day silliness, but I have to share... My husband recently dedicated a song to me. (He hates it when I tell other people details about the sweet things he does, so for his sake, I'm going to refrain from giving you the name of the song, even though I really want to!) Ever since we've been married, I've been hoping that we could have "our song". The song that we danced to at our wedding, "Cowboy Take Me Away" is fun, but its not "our song". And, in all actuality, this song isn't about us, its about how he feels about me... but I'll take it!! :) I love it. I burned it onto my laptop and at night while I'm at work, I listen to it and remember how blessed I am.
My husband is wonderful. I've stopped doing the 'My Husband Rocks' posts, but I certainly haven't stopped appreciating how blessed I am! For example:
My husband hates his job and yet he goes, each and every day, in order to provide for us
My husband is actively working on a plan so that I can stay at home with the kids
Even when he's tired, he makes it a point to spend time with our kids daily
He is an AWESOME player - by this I mean, that he's a grown-up kid. He plays Barbie, Nintendo, tag, rides bikes... A kids dream and a real Godsend to a mom who doesn't play very well!
Anytime he goes to the store, he brings me something (usually edible!)
He makes his family his first priority
I frequently get texts that say 'I love you'
He still winks at me from across the room
He isn't afraid to tell me the things that I need to hear, even when I don't really want to hear them
He (sometimes! :) ) lets me control the radio
He cares about the things I care about
When I talk, he really listens
He compliments me
He holds my hand and hugs me in the supermarket
He helps around the house
.... and so many more things..
So, as we near Valentine's Day, and every other day of the year, I love you, Honey! Thank you for all you do and thank you for loving me so well.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Living By Truth

I almost had a seizure today. Why?, you ask. Well, the simple answer is because my son spent all of his money on rubber animals at Walgreens today. But the real answer is much more complicated. A couple weeks ago at church, Pastor told a really moving story about his son wanting to send all the money he had been saving to Haiti. And today, my kids were talking about the offering that they take each week. Chloe said that she wants to give some of her money next week...
So, this afternoon, Lowell sent me to Walgreens to get some ice cream for milkshakes. Nathan went with me. (Chloe was playing Battleship with Daddy and Jillie was sleeping) And he took his money with him because he's been wanting to spend it for a couple of days. In the toy aisle, we started going through what he could afford and what he wanted to spend his money on... And whether or not he was going to save some of it for Haiti. He decided that he would spend all his money and then work at home for another dollar to give to Haiti. I let him make his own decision but this disappointed me for some reason... My shoulders felt heavy as guilt weighed on me. My 7 year old is not very willing to give. He is selfish. And so am I. This is the human condition, but I want better for myself and my kids.
So, guilt has arrived.
Pastor today spoke about all the famine in the world and how our perspective in America is so tweaked. For us, he said, "famished" means that we went from breakfast to lunch without a snack while for about 1 billion people (1/6 of the population), hunger is a daily companion - real hunger... I know that I am not supposed to hear these things and feel guilty - they are supposed to motivate me to action. Instead, my brain immediately goes to condemnation and I become immobilized by feelings of regret over opportunities lost and mistakes made. This is not what God wants for me!!! Jesus came to earth specifically to take my (and everyone's) sins upon Himself so that when God looks upon us, He sees someone forgiven and a slate wiped clean. So I don't have to live in the past and I am not bound by my mistakes or screw ups. I have been set free to live each day new...
That being said, I experienced guilt today over how I may not be teaching my kids enough about generosity or thankfulness and that I don't know enough about these things either. Instead of living in that guilt for the rest of the day, I'm going to stand on the promise that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) and that I will have the strength I need to teach my kids so long as I ask for it. (Isaiah 40:31) So, I'm going to take captive my guilty thoughts and not let them control me. I don't have to live by how I feel - I can live based on truth. And that's what I'm going to do. So there. :)

A Great Sunday

Today was a great day for cloud looking and so, continuing our tradition of making shapes out of the clouds on the way home from church, today this conversation was heard in my back seat.
"Oh! I see a duck laying on his back!"
"I see a pig dancing. But now his head popped off!"
"There's a horse. A beautiful horse. And he's blinking!"
"And there's a camel!"
And then Jillie, "I don't see anything except big, puffy clouds!!!" :)

Chloe wanted to surprise Daddy with a picnic today so when we got home from church we all got busy making sandwiches, washing grapes, and getting all of our supplies together. Daddy was sleeping so we had plenty of opportunity to get it all ready without him knowing. When the blanket and basket were set up in the front yard, I went inside to work on waking him up. At first he wasn't so thrilled, but then Chloe came in and told him that she had a surprise for him. He came out the front door and smiled. And then he suggested that, if Chloe wanted to, we could move our picnic to the park. Everyone loved the idea and so off we went. After we ate, we played tag for awhile and then a question/guessing game where one person thinks of an animal and based on the 1 question each person asks, we have to guess what animal it is. If we can't guess, then the person acts out their animal. :)

A New Experience

We bought Monsters vs. Aliens the other day and it came with a bonus 3D dvd called Bob's Big Break. My kids had never seen a 3D movie and so they were enthralled with the whole experience. They watched the movie twice that night and have watched it repeatedly each day since. They just love how the tv seems to come out and get them... I wonder if the cat felt the same way. :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010


Boogie doesn't like wearing the bottom portion of her car seat. It is a buckle that she can't unfasten and she doesn't like feeling confined. We have told her that it is very necessary because, for example, if we were to get into an accident, she could slip out from under the top portion and get hurt. After hearing this logic for awhile, yesterday she asked me "Mom, what if we get in an accident and something happens to you and I can't get out?" Well... um... "The ambulance people will get you out." "But, Mom, then I won't be able to help you!" sooo sweet... And so smart! :) Unfortunately, this has now led to a couple of nightmares about getting stuck in her car seat... I guess its time for a booster.

Show and Tell

In Chloe's first grade class, they have a BUG of the week program where each student is "special" for a week. Their special duties include filling the estimation jar with items of their choice (Chloe chose Valentine candies); putting together a collage of pictures of their family; choosing the book to be read aloud in class; and bringing something special for show-and-tell. Chloe was very excited about being BUG of the week and took all of her duties very seriously. Including choosing something special to show her classmates... She chose her ferrets. And so, being the good mom that I am, I told her that I would check with her teacher. (all the time thinking there was no way this would be allowed) I was shocked when I got the email that okay-ed bringing Creepy and Honey into class. So it was planned for Wednesday at 3pm. Tuesday, Nathan and I gave them a bath and then yesterday, I slept for a little while and then woke up, packed up some peanut butter and two excited little mammals, and a very excited Jillie, and off we went. The cat carrier itself garnered a ton of attention before the kids even knew what was in it. We were stopped multiple times going down the hallway and were met with squeals of delight when we entered the classroom. It turns out that Chloe is the only one in her class that has ferrets. After visiting Chloe's class, we were walking down the hall and I figured - What the heck - and stopped at Nathan's class. I told his teacher what we were doing and asked if she wanted me to bring them in his class too. I was, again, surprised when she said that she'd love to have them! They were a huge hit in Nathan's class too. The ferrets were sooo good. No potty accidents, and they loved the attention. :) They, did, however fall fast asleep as soon as we got home. Pretty exciting day for two little critters - and for two very lucky students! :)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


There are some days that I question the field that I've decided to enter... I can't even begin to count the days that I've had to blink back tears when I've watched a little baby suffer... The moms that I work with are so angry, so unprepared to be mothers, and so selfish... Their children are usually ignored, frequently yelled and screamed at, and sometimes physically abused. My heart breaks.. I want to save them; take them home and love on them; show them that the world is not cruel and harsh... And that they are important and lovable. And I k now that I can't come to work everyday for the rest of my employment future and have my heart wrenched like this. This only confirms more strongly that I want to work with adults. I don't want to watch children suffer anymore... Maybe I'm just weak, but hearing the cries and not being able to do anything about it makes me sick to my stomach. Part of me wonders if I am avoiding. Maybe I just want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that it doesn't exist... But I know that there are babies suffering and hurting. I know it but I don't want to willfully spend each day watching it happen. That's reasonable, isn't it? My heart breaks for these kids and so I want to help parents be better parents, help couples work on their relationship before they decide to have kids, help people in general develop healthy boundaries and respectful attitudes... And maybe, in doing these things, I'll help the kiddies... Because they need it.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Isn't She Cute!!?!?

I am so infatuated with these little things!!! The other day, I saw one being transported on a car hauler, and I made Lowell turn around to go look at it. And today, one passed me on my way home from picking up the kids. I understand the controversy; I know the arguments about how passengers are not very protected in this little box... But they're just so darn cute!!!! :) My kids were a little upset when I expressed how much I like them because, they were quick to point out, they would not fit in this little car. That is a valid point, but I was thinking of this as my "mid-life crisis" car. I don't need a Ferrari or a Mustang convertible, I just want an adorable little smart car to zip around town.
Lowell and I have talked about driving a truck for our semi-retirement (get it - "semi" - We're lame, I know) I'm excited about getting to see the country and explore together while still making a little income. Won't that be fun.. Going from driving an 18 wheeler to this little car?? The best of both worlds! :)