Monday, May 26, 2008


Memorial Day 2008 We've had a lot of rain this weekend and so it
hasn't been the traditional Memorial day with barbques and swimming. Nevertheless, I've been trying to treat Memorial day for what it is - a day to remember those who have sacrificed for us. My son loves people in the military, he wants to be an 'Army guy'. Lowell wanted to join the military too right out of high school but his parents didn't want him to. I can't watch a tribute or even a movie about those in the military without tearing up. I am so grateful for their service. God bless them and their families!
Loaves and Fishes update: Today is Tuesday and because of the holiday weekend, we haven't been able to get propane yet. Lowell came in today and said that the gauge is on 0%, completely down to the bottom. And yet, we still have hot water...

And so, I'm praying... After I talked to the propane companies around here, looking for the cheapest price, we now have the issue of having to have our tank inspected. A couple places want to charge between $65 and $75 for this. I found one who will do it for free, but that puts us another couple of days away. I have to wait for the technican to come out and clear our tank before the delivery can be made. So, I'm hoping to have the inspection on Wednesday and then I'm really praying for a delivery on Thursday. I'm also praying for some more money to come in on Wednesday. God has been so faithful, but yesterday, I really got shaken. I don't know if it was hormonal or something else, but I have been optimistic and at peace for so long, and then yesterday I just cracked.

I'm so grateful for all the blessings we've had and I don't know why His faithfulness in the past month (and longer) isn't enough right now... I think my disheartedness has more to do with the fact that in the past couple of months, I've finally found a friend over here. I have been desperate for a girlfriend that I could visit with, one who is in kind of the same place I am in life. And one that I can be comfortable with. And I finally found one... Yesterday I was helping her move. She's moving to Sonora. To those of you who don't know this area, that's about 40 minutes away. It may not seem like that much, but if I lose my license in the next couple of weeks, it may as well be the moon. And with both of our busy schedules, i'm doubtful that we'll see each other much. I think that really has more to do with my sadness and stress than the propane. I'm sad too that it only took that one thing to break my string of faith. I want to be confident and optimistic again, but I just feel sad and bereft.

Lord, this is such a little issue in the greater scheme of suffering. I don't have to look very far to see people who have issues much greater than ours. I am not going to pray to have my faith restored, because I never really lost it, I'm just living in my emotions right now instead of living in Truth. So, what I pray for, is peace for my emotions so that I can have a clear view of the Truth. Truth that You have never moved, You aren't far away from me, even though it feels like You are, and You are still holding me close. You are every bit as capable today of meeting our needs as You have been yesterday and forever, and I apoligize for letting my emotions cause me to doubt You. Forgive me for my doubt and restore peace within me.

Again I'm reminded of East to West... "I can't live by what I feel, but by the Truth Your Word reveals..." So, as soon as I'm done here, that's where I'm going. Back into the Word. I hope you'll join me. :)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Loaves and Fishes

Ok, I know its just a TV show but I have to admit, I love American Idol! I love music and I love the idea of having a dream come true for someone... Especially if that someone is the humble, honest, great singing variety of person - like DAVID COOK!!!!!! I'm so thrilled for that man! And I can't wait to buy his CD! :)
On another note, do you know the story of the loaves and fishes? Its a story in the Bible where Jesus is preaching on a hill to thousands of people. Hours go by and the people are hungry. The disciples come to Jesus and ask how they are going to feed all 5000 people. Jesus asks how much food they have and the disciples discover a small boy who has 5 loaves of bread and 2 small fish. After Jesus blesses the food, He tells the disciples to begin distributing the food. When they have fed everyone, there is still food left over - enough to fill 12 baskets! This story is recounted in all four gospels in the New Testament.. So what does this have to do my blog? Well, for the last 3 weeks, I've been praying that Jesus will recreate the loaves and fishes miracle in our lives. About a month ago, we discovered that we only had about 13% left in our propane tank. Our hot water and our oven both run on propane. And we don't have the money to refill our tank. So, I started praying for God to stretch it out. We are being conscious of our usage, but there's no way we could go a month on 13%! And then we had some unexpected bills come up, and so we didn't have a lot of money for groceries. So, again I was praying for loaves and fishes. "Lord, please take the money I have and stretch it. Help me to use it the best I can to buy as many groceries as I can and then stretch the food as far as I can." So, now tomorrow is the day we get paid and can finally afford to fill the propane tank again. And we still have hot water and I just cooked breakfast on the stove this morning... It is amazing to me. A small miracle. We don't have much food left in the cupboards, but we haven't been hungry! God is just so good. I don't know how anyone can say that He isn't active in the world today. Honestly, there is no way that our propane could have lasted this long...
Struggling financially is not fun but I have to say that it is a wonderful way to get my focus back where it should be. When things are easy, it's easy to think that I'm doing it on my own. I'm making it work. It's easy to forget that Jesus "gives all men life and breath and everything else" (Acts 17:25). And I couldn't do it without Him.
I don't know whether David Cook knows it or not, but he is very blessed! God has really been good to him! :) He's a really talented boy and I hope he knows to be thankful... If he doesn't know Jesus, even though I'm definitely not the famous winner of a national TV show, I'm even more blessed than he is :) Thank you Jesus for caring about me and my family. We love you!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

East to West

Casting Crowns - East to West
This song affects me every time I hear it. Even when I'm not struggling with my sinfulness, it grabs me because I'm always amazed at how my God loves us. Even if my sin is not overwheling me, I am still humbled. These past weeks have been incredibly full of the presence of my God. I've felt His hand, His reassurance and His love so frequently... And, I promise, these have not been an easy few weeks.. But it certainly hasn't been long since I was drowning in the realization of how sinful I am and just how often I fail. It is quite frequent that I find my focus on myself and my performance instead of the object of our faith - Jesus Himself. He lived perfectly so that I don't have to. My salvation comes in loving Him and thus, obeying Him. And thankfully, the Word is full of reminders that God knows we're going to fail and yet we can "confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy." Hebrews 4:16 This song reminds me that my sin can't control me - it's been cast away - as far as the east is from the west. See what you think...

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me; I yearn for peace and rest.
I don't want to end up where You found me and it echos in my mind; keeps me awake tonight...
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before you now, as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way..

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the east is from the west?
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the east is from the west -
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day - the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drown out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way..

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the east is from the west?
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the east is from the west -
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your Word reveals
I'm not holding onto You, but You're holding onto me
You're holding onto me

Jesus, you know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the east is from the west -
From one scarred hand to the other.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

God Answers Prayer

There are many reasons that I believe in the power of prayer.. This past week has only given me more reasons. :) As many of you know, I've been put on medication for my seizures (and it's working, by the way) but the medicine is very expensive. I take three pills a day, and each pill is between $2 and $3 apiece. So, I was looking at, minimum, $180 a month for the rest of my life... Yikes! But then my dr. switched and put me on a different med that IS ON THE WALMART $4 PERSCRIPTION LIST!!!! Can you believe it!?!? So, for a month, my medicine is now going to be $13. Isn't God amazing? I know that could only be because people have been praying for us. Also, I've been going to school online through Grand Canyon University but I was going to have to take the summer off because my financial aid didn't cover all my spring semester, so I had a balance due. And they won't let you take more classes, even though I have financial aid for summer, if you have an outstanding balance. Then I got a phone call yesterday. Wednesday. Classes started Monday. It was my academic advisor letting me know that I needed to sign in to my classes. I explained to him that I wasn't taking classes this semester because there was a financial hold on my account. He said, "No, that's been taken care of so that you can take classes. In fact, you're registered for one, so you better get to work!" I was flabbergasted to say the least. I even looked at the phone to make sure there wasn't a problem with it - I couldn't believe what I was hearing... But, no he was right, somehow, the issue was resolved (I still don't understand how) but I'm signed up for three classes this semester and I've got some catching up to do!! :L) I won't even get my books until next week, so this outta be interesting. :) Actually, if I want to really work my hind-end off, I could graduate at the end of summer. That would require me to that the two most difficult psychology classes offered in the same semester! (Along with two other classes!) So, I may have to wait until December... But still, I'm excited that graduation is even that close! I'm going to have a degree before I'm thirty afterall! :) (30? Did I just say 30? Am I really that old??? :) ) Remember, God really does answer prayer! :)