Monday, May 26, 2008


Memorial Day 2008 We've had a lot of rain this weekend and so it
hasn't been the traditional Memorial day with barbques and swimming. Nevertheless, I've been trying to treat Memorial day for what it is - a day to remember those who have sacrificed for us. My son loves people in the military, he wants to be an 'Army guy'. Lowell wanted to join the military too right out of high school but his parents didn't want him to. I can't watch a tribute or even a movie about those in the military without tearing up. I am so grateful for their service. God bless them and their families!
Loaves and Fishes update: Today is Tuesday and because of the holiday weekend, we haven't been able to get propane yet. Lowell came in today and said that the gauge is on 0%, completely down to the bottom. And yet, we still have hot water...

And so, I'm praying... After I talked to the propane companies around here, looking for the cheapest price, we now have the issue of having to have our tank inspected. A couple places want to charge between $65 and $75 for this. I found one who will do it for free, but that puts us another couple of days away. I have to wait for the technican to come out and clear our tank before the delivery can be made. So, I'm hoping to have the inspection on Wednesday and then I'm really praying for a delivery on Thursday. I'm also praying for some more money to come in on Wednesday. God has been so faithful, but yesterday, I really got shaken. I don't know if it was hormonal or something else, but I have been optimistic and at peace for so long, and then yesterday I just cracked.

I'm so grateful for all the blessings we've had and I don't know why His faithfulness in the past month (and longer) isn't enough right now... I think my disheartedness has more to do with the fact that in the past couple of months, I've finally found a friend over here. I have been desperate for a girlfriend that I could visit with, one who is in kind of the same place I am in life. And one that I can be comfortable with. And I finally found one... Yesterday I was helping her move. She's moving to Sonora. To those of you who don't know this area, that's about 40 minutes away. It may not seem like that much, but if I lose my license in the next couple of weeks, it may as well be the moon. And with both of our busy schedules, i'm doubtful that we'll see each other much. I think that really has more to do with my sadness and stress than the propane. I'm sad too that it only took that one thing to break my string of faith. I want to be confident and optimistic again, but I just feel sad and bereft.

Lord, this is such a little issue in the greater scheme of suffering. I don't have to look very far to see people who have issues much greater than ours. I am not going to pray to have my faith restored, because I never really lost it, I'm just living in my emotions right now instead of living in Truth. So, what I pray for, is peace for my emotions so that I can have a clear view of the Truth. Truth that You have never moved, You aren't far away from me, even though it feels like You are, and You are still holding me close. You are every bit as capable today of meeting our needs as You have been yesterday and forever, and I apoligize for letting my emotions cause me to doubt You. Forgive me for my doubt and restore peace within me.

Again I'm reminded of East to West... "I can't live by what I feel, but by the Truth Your Word reveals..." So, as soon as I'm done here, that's where I'm going. Back into the Word. I hope you'll join me. :)

No comments: