Babies

Just a few fun

pictures of my babies.

I adore them so! :)

I love their passion for life and their joy!

And I love to snuggle with them and hold their little hands.

And I love to hear their explanations of the world around them and to help encourage their curiosity.

I love their laughs and I hate their tears.

I frequently ask them if they know just how much they're loved... And then I tell them than they just don't have any idea. No words can express the love in my heart for my babies.

Schedule Changes

Very recently, I found myself struggling with the reality of our current situation. I am away from my children significantly more than I am okay with. I am not available to attend school functions and I miss out on their waking time at home. I was struggling with my financial need (and I believe, calling) to work, and my inability to be the kind of mother that I also feel called to be. At times, this responsibility I've been given as a mother feels like a weight so heavy that I almost can't bear it. Before I am misunderstood, let me explain that the weight comes not from the burdern on the work that I do, but from the weight of the love that I have for my children. I am so intent on providing for them, blessing them, protecting them, being with them, and trying my very best to raise them how God wants me to... The burden I feel is the pressure I place on myself to, somehow, show them how much I love them by being a good mom. This burden has been extra heavy as of late because I've had to abdicate some of my parenting to another as well as being left out of a couple of special moments because of needing to be at work. I was torn and I was miserable. And so I began praying. I cried out to God that I was unhappy and that I wanted to give my children more of myself but that I needed His help. And I sent out the word for a couple close friends to join me in prayer.
Fast forward to yesterday... I got a call from work asking me if I was still interested in switching to graveyard shift. Oh boy, was I ever!!! The position, for now, is temporary - only until the end of the year but I am rejoicing. This is the change that I've been praying for because our schedules will now allow me to sleep when my children are at school and to be awake and attentive to them when they come home. I'll be able to help them with homework and get them ready for bed. I can start reading bedtime stories again and I can be there for whatever school functions come up. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed. I was able to keep my two days off - Wednesday and Thursday, so that I am still able to go to school and have the same days off as Lowell. Now my prayer is just to make it permanent! Thank you to those who helped me life this up in prayer, and thank you, thank you, Lord for once again blessing me and answering my cry for help.

Blessings

Well... As usual, we've been completely swamped. I've been working my own shift as well as a couple of others. A lot of the women at work are sick. And Lowell started work! (Thank you Lord!) This week, he's working Monday through Friday and then he will, blessedly, have the same days off that I do! :) He didn't even ask for it, it was just given to him. So, after this week, we'll be on the same schedule. On the subject of schedule, I've been praying about my schedule. I hate being away from my children. I hate it with all my heart and yet I know that I need to work that that I am supposed to be going to school. So, I've been trying to figure out how I can be employeed, a student and a good mother at the same time without taking up speed or something... I need to see my kids. I miss them terribly. And so Lowell and I have been praying about what to do. We have decided that I'm going to see about switching to the graveyard shift. I haven't taken it to my supervisors yet. I'll be doing that on Sunday but I would ask that you would all join me in praying about it. I am very grateful that we have my father-in-law here to help out but I can't let go of my responsibility to my children and, honestly, I just don't want to be away from them and missing so much of their lives. I have been spoiled up to this point and it is terrible having to distance myself from them.

On that subject, it has been even more difficult because the kids are sick. They missed the whole week of school and Chloe and Nathan are still both running high fevers. They have been consistently above 103 for the past three days so tomorrow will find us in the doctor's office being tested for H1N1. This is a source of stress, of course both because I am scared for my children and also because they don't have insurance yet... But mainly because I hate seeing them suffer. Don't believe me that they're sick? Grandpa Chug baked chocolate chip cookies, and neither Chloe nor Nathan ate any. These are pictures of my babies, my blessings, currently sleeping peacfully... I am so blessed. So very blessed. Spoiled, really... And I don't want to miss spending time with them. I'm tempted to go sit by their beds to check on them - just to reassure myself that they're okay. Actually, I think I may indulge myself... I often wonder if they know how much they're loved... How much joy it brings me just to sit and watch them sleep... So precious and so special. I'm going to go surround my babies with prayer and listen to my favorite blessings snore for a little while. G'night.