Beginning the Holiday Season

As is our tradition, we decorated for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. We didn't get as far as I would've liked, simply because I was tired and had to work.. But we did get the tree up, got the lights all connected, and put up the balls. On my tree, the balls go on first with the bigger ones at the bottom.. So, the next day, we put on the ornaments. The kids had a lot of fun putting on each ornament and asking for the story behind it. Sometimes, they even told the story themselves. :) Also, I began taking pictures of our favorites so that I can scrapbook the stories behind our ornaments for future generations.. (And, more likely, in the event that they get dropped in a fit of over-exuberence) We haven't purchased a new ornament this year... We need to find one appropriate for our first Christmas as Arizonans.

Last year, I asked Gramma Hippo if she had some decorations from her family that she could pass down to us so that we could have something of hers... She gave us a collection of white porcelin angels. They are proudly displayed on the bookshelf in the livingroom. Also, we've been discussing what we could possibly do for Daddy for Christmas... I'm leaning toward a 'made' present rather than a bought one but I'm not opposed to a bought kit that we can use to make something. Any suggestions?

While I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet, we do have presents under our tree. The always prepared, uber-organized Auntie Leeda sent the babies gifts as well as Advent Calendars this year. They love opening each little window and are becoming very aware of the date!! :)

For the first time, it really feels like it might be close to Christmas here.. There is a pretty big storm hitting us right now - and its supposed to last for a few days. I'm so thankful. It was hard to get into the Christmas spirit with 70 degree weather. (I'm not complaining about the beautiful weather, don't get me wrong. But I appreciate a good thunderstorm.. Especially around Christmas.) Jillian agreed me with about the joy to be found in the rain today and insisted on going out to play in it. Shortly after these pictures were taken, I went into the garage and busted out the winter clothes boxes so the next photos of outdoor fun will find my children appropriately dressed, I promise! :) It has been fairly cold here lately - gotten down to around

35 in the evenings and the low 50s during the days... Not cold by any standard compared to this time last year, but once your body has acclimated to 110, 50 is freezing!! :) Even Lowell, who is usually quite comfy in freezing weather has mentioned the change in temperature. He's now wearing long sleeves. That was his only adjustment. :)

Babies

Just a few fun

pictures of my babies.

I adore them so! :)

I love their passion for life and their joy!

And I love to snuggle with them and hold their little hands.

And I love to hear their explanations of the world around them and to help encourage their curiosity.

I love their laughs and I hate their tears.

I frequently ask them if they know just how much they're loved... And then I tell them than they just don't have any idea. No words can express the love in my heart for my babies.

Schedule Changes

Very recently, I found myself struggling with the reality of our current situation. I am away from my children significantly more than I am okay with. I am not available to attend school functions and I miss out on their waking time at home. I was struggling with my financial need (and I believe, calling) to work, and my inability to be the kind of mother that I also feel called to be. At times, this responsibility I've been given as a mother feels like a weight so heavy that I almost can't bear it. Before I am misunderstood, let me explain that the weight comes not from the burdern on the work that I do, but from the weight of the love that I have for my children. I am so intent on providing for them, blessing them, protecting them, being with them, and trying my very best to raise them how God wants me to... The burden I feel is the pressure I place on myself to, somehow, show them how much I love them by being a good mom. This burden has been extra heavy as of late because I've had to abdicate some of my parenting to another as well as being left out of a couple of special moments because of needing to be at work. I was torn and I was miserable. And so I began praying. I cried out to God that I was unhappy and that I wanted to give my children more of myself but that I needed His help. And I sent out the word for a couple close friends to join me in prayer.
Fast forward to yesterday... I got a call from work asking me if I was still interested in switching to graveyard shift. Oh boy, was I ever!!! The position, for now, is temporary - only until the end of the year but I am rejoicing. This is the change that I've been praying for because our schedules will now allow me to sleep when my children are at school and to be awake and attentive to them when they come home. I'll be able to help them with homework and get them ready for bed. I can start reading bedtime stories again and I can be there for whatever school functions come up. I am so thankful and I feel so blessed. I was able to keep my two days off - Wednesday and Thursday, so that I am still able to go to school and have the same days off as Lowell. Now my prayer is just to make it permanent! Thank you to those who helped me life this up in prayer, and thank you, thank you, Lord for once again blessing me and answering my cry for help.

Blessings

Well... As usual, we've been completely swamped. I've been working my own shift as well as a couple of others. A lot of the women at work are sick. And Lowell started work! (Thank you Lord!) This week, he's working Monday through Friday and then he will, blessedly, have the same days off that I do! :) He didn't even ask for it, it was just given to him. So, after this week, we'll be on the same schedule. On the subject of schedule, I've been praying about my schedule. I hate being away from my children. I hate it with all my heart and yet I know that I need to work that that I am supposed to be going to school. So, I've been trying to figure out how I can be employeed, a student and a good mother at the same time without taking up speed or something... I need to see my kids. I miss them terribly. And so Lowell and I have been praying about what to do. We have decided that I'm going to see about switching to the graveyard shift. I haven't taken it to my supervisors yet. I'll be doing that on Sunday but I would ask that you would all join me in praying about it. I am very grateful that we have my father-in-law here to help out but I can't let go of my responsibility to my children and, honestly, I just don't want to be away from them and missing so much of their lives. I have been spoiled up to this point and it is terrible having to distance myself from them.

On that subject, it has been even more difficult because the kids are sick. They missed the whole week of school and Chloe and Nathan are still both running high fevers. They have been consistently above 103 for the past three days so tomorrow will find us in the doctor's office being tested for H1N1. This is a source of stress, of course both because I am scared for my children and also because they don't have insurance yet... But mainly because I hate seeing them suffer. Don't believe me that they're sick? Grandpa Chug baked chocolate chip cookies, and neither Chloe nor Nathan ate any. These are pictures of my babies, my blessings, currently sleeping peacfully... I am so blessed. So very blessed. Spoiled, really... And I don't want to miss spending time with them. I'm tempted to go sit by their beds to check on them - just to reassure myself that they're okay. Actually, I think I may indulge myself... I often wonder if they know how much they're loved... How much joy it brings me just to sit and watch them sleep... So precious and so special. I'm going to go surround my babies with prayer and listen to my favorite blessings snore for a little while. G'night.

Hands

The chance arose, recently, for me to share some of my story with a couple of the ladies at work... And for the first time, after I told them some of what happened, I didn't panic. I didn't freak out on the way home and I didn't feel completely stressed the next day. Also, at work there have been a couple of times where I've screwed up. And I've been able to come clean about it and move on - without stressing about needing to be perfect or wondering if I was going to completely disappoint everyone there...
It may not seem like much to you, but to me, these are huge accomplishments! These are signs that God is working within me and that I'm growing! I'm becoming better at controlling my irrational thoughts and worries... And I'm becomming more at peace with who I am. And I'm so thankful! These are things that I've been working on for years... I don't want to sound like I've got it down, check the box, close the file - but I'm getting better. And that's good enough for me!
I feel so humbled each time I see God working in my life. And I'm so very grateful for the knowledge that He's still working on me. Remember the song from when you were a kid in Sunday School? "There really ought to be a sign upon my heart; don't judge me yet, there's an unfinished part. But I'll be perfect, just according to His plans; fashioned by the Master's loving hands. He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars; the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be - He's still working on me." Funny how much truth can be held in a little children's song...

Cuteness

I found this at cuteoverload.com and I had to share... :) Too adorable!

Updates

Again its been too long. Too much time has passed since I've blogged and I feel overwhelmed at the amount of information I'd like to pass on...
My job is going well. I've begun to feel comfortable in the role that I'm asked to play as Family Advocate. I enjoy working to help these women become more independent and to help their children survive the transition with as little scarring as possible.
On the job front: Lowell very likely is going to be offered a job on Monday! :) We're very excited! Because of this exciting development and also just because he wants to, Lowell's dad will be coming down to stay with us for the winter. He was anxious to get away from the cold Olancha winter and will be very appreciated here as a live-in babysitter. Lowell will be working graveyard shift so he'll have to leave for work before I get home. Chug will be there with the kids and can also possibly help get them ready for school in the mornings. Because Lowell's job is on the far eastern side of Phoenix, we are going to look to relocate. We've been looking anyway at houses... It is very possible that we may buy a house in the very near future... Please be praying about this for us!! Anyway, this new job will pose quite a commute for Lowell from our current location on the far west side of Phoenix. My school and work are pretty centrally located, so I think my commute will stay the same, I'll just be driving westbound on the freeway instead of east.
The kids are good. Nathan presented a social studies project on India last week. Each of the students completed their project and then stood up in front of the class (and the parents who attended) and presented their information. Thankfully, I was able to make it! Nathan's body said that he was nervous, but when I asked him afterwards, he denied it. Irregardless, he did a great job! :) The teacher was very impressed with the quality of their work as well as their oral presentations.
Chloe is going to be singing with her class at the Fall Festival in Buckeye next Friday. I'm completely bummed that I am not going to be able to attend, but Lowell has promised to tape it for me. Her class is going to be hosting the goldfish toss booth as well as the picture booth and they'll be singing "De Colores", a spanish song about colors. Chloe loves school and is thriving. She's so smart and has shown great athletic ability! In PE when they race, Chloe only has one other girl who provides competition. And often, she beats a majority of the boys too! Nathan has even stopped racing her because she beats him every time. :)
Jillian is doing great too. She loves staying home with Daddy because he spoils her rotten. She's also learning a lot - both from us working with her and also from her siblings. She's mastered the concept of "counting on" which is a kindergarten (or higher) level skill. For example, if you're adding 5 and 6, before you've grasped counting on, you'll first count 1,2,3,4,5 and then 6 more. After a child has learned to 'count on' they will start with 5 and then count 6,7,8 etc.. She loves to add and has started grasping subtraction as well. She doesn't have all of her letter sounds down yet so that's what I'd like to work on next.
School, for me, has proven very trying these last couple of weeks. With the potential of moving looming on the horizon and with Chug coming down to stay, there have been a lot of extra projects to accomplish around the house in addition to my already jammed schedule. My homework has definitely suffered. There were a couple of mornings when I honestly should have been doing my homework, however, that I blew it off in exchange for a couple of hours of playing with my babies. And I don't regret it for a moment... That being said, I have decided to only take one class this quarter. With this being holiday season and with Lowell beginning a new job, there are going to be too many transitions for me to be able to do work that I will be proud of. And besides that, if I'm paying all this money for these classes, I'd really like to learn something!! :)
Last week we got a special visit from my friend Britany, her husband Stony and their neice Kizzy. We met at Grand Canyon so that Britty could see all the changes they've made. The kids played on the lawns and we just enjoyed some time together. It was way too short and I forgot to take a picture of us but it was still wonderful to see them! Hard to imagine its been 7 years since I've seen one of my dearest friends... Its another reminder of how important it is to take the time to stay in touch... And that's why I'm blogging now! :)
I appreciate all you bloggers out there - Diggie, Kristin, Moron, Britty, Leeda... I love feeling like we're connected even though hundreds of miles separate us. So thanks for taking the time because I really do love reading about your families. And thanks for stopping in to see what we're up to. We love you each and miss you all!

Hubby

My husband is wonderful. He gets the kids ready for school, picks them up, helps them with their homework, feeds them, keeps the cars running, cleans the yard, takes out the trash, shampoos the carpets, and washes dishes. And last night, I came home to a candlelight dinner for 5. He made a wonderful dinner, cleaned the house and gave me the opportunity to have dinner with my babies. I don't get to do that anymore and I miss it. Last night we talked about school, the kids' friends, problems, whatever... And we prayed together as a family. Its been awhile since we've done that too... I love hearing my babies' hearts for Jesus. And I especially love hearing my husband pray. What I blessing he is..

Blessed and Thankful

I'm so glad I went back to work today. I discovered, for one thing, that they have been horibly understaffed because there are a ton of people sick. More importantly was that I was able to reconnect with my residents. One resident came to me early in the night crying because she was so frustrated and ended the night crying in appreciation of what we had accomplished together tonight.
Also, I was able to spend time with my co-workers. All in all they are a great group of women... Tonight we got on the subject of 'been there'. For example, we can empathize with women in pain because we've been there. We may never have been physically abused, but all of us have felt betrayal by someone we've loved... And we may never have lived in a shelter, but we've been destitute at one time or another.
Talking about the things I've been through I was reminded just how blessed I am, just how much I have to be thankful for. Even sick and totally overwhelmed with all the things I'm behind on, I have soooooooo many things to be thankful for. And I feel blessed that I was reminded of it because it changes my whole perspective. I know that my husband would never hit me, but there are other issues that these women struggle with that and... but for the grace of God, go I! I have been at the crossroads of suicide and I've been at the place where I was completely relying on someone else for, well, everything. Those places are dark and they are anything but fun... But they have shaped the relationship that I have with God today. And they've shaped my relationship with my husband and my ability to help other people.
So, strange as it may sound... I remembered tonight just how thankful I am for those times. And, definitely, I'm thankful that I'm not going through them now! :)
I am so blessed, and I'm just thankful for the reminder.

Finally Out of Bed

I am getting ready to go to work for the the first time in a week. I have had a terrible, horrible, no good, bad case of the flu. The stomach flu. I couldn't eat for four days and finally had to go to the doctors to get anti-nausea medicine. Yeah, it was that bad! I had muscle aches and sore joints... Ugh. Anyway, enough of that.

Today I feel much better. I still have very limited energy but I can eat and I'm going to work! I even had enough energy to complete a project that I've been working on and in the process, I had to take some pictures of my babies. I got them dressed up and posed... And out of this photo session comes a picture I need to share with you...

I'd just like to remind everyone that this is my 6 year old. My SIX year old!!! I know I'm her mom and I'm biased, but holy cow, she is gorgeous!! :)

$3.50

I had to get gas today before going to work. I stopped at Loves, our local truck stop, and as I pulled up to the pumps, I couldn't remember what side of the car my gas tank was on. (I have my old car back!!! But that's another post) I figured I'd chance the driver's side and hope for the best. So, leaving my car running, I opened the door and peered out. My radio was still on and I'm sure other motorists could hear KLove playing songs about Jesus. I was right, the gas tank is on that side, and so I turned the car off and walked toward the store. I noticed a white truck sitting at the pump next to mine with a girl about 25 standing next to it. When I came out of the store, this girl approached me and asked me for gas money. She said that she was trying to get home. Here begins the dilemma. I knew that I only had a 10 dollar bill that needed to pay for my dinner... But I also knew that she had likely heard my music and I wanted to be a good example of Jesus here on earth. So, I told her that I didn't have anything... But I was still praying about it. I told God, "If I have any other money in my work bag, I'll give it to her." Digging around, I found $3.50. So, true to my word, I walked over and gave it to her. I explained that I found it in the bottom of my bag and apologized for it not being much. After I left, I didn't feel good about my situation. I was actually stressed because I had given her money. I didn't really believe her story about needing money for gas and I know that our family is really tight on money right now... So I began to pray about it. I felt like I had chosen to give instead of being led to give... And then God reminded me that I can't out-give Him. And then a song came on the radio, "There Will Be a Day". The premise of the song is that one day, there will be no more tears, no fear and no more dealing with the stresses of this life. God made it clear to me that I was doing the right thing and that there will come a day that I won't have to freak out about giving $3.50 to a girl at the gas station. I was gratefully crying listening to the song and feeling peaceful... Regardless of whether Lowell and I ever have a ton of money, or even if we live the rest of our lives just scraping by, God is with us. And He's meeting our needs. And I can be thankful that He is transforming me so that I care more about what someone thinks of "Christians" and of being a representative for Him than I do of what little money I have. Even if her intentions were not pure, I pray that my gift showed her that Christians are generous and if she really was stranded, I hope tonight finds her safely at home.

Only 1 Mouth

It's been so long since I've blogged, I feel like I'm too far behind to catch up... And yet, I'm not exactly what I've done during the past two weeks... :) I'm still going to school and work... And I'm a little overwhelmed. Taking two classes and working full time is a lot of work. Lowell and I discussed it, and he suggested that I finish out this quarter and then next quarter, I only take one class. Unfortunately because of how the school calendar is set up, once I'm signed up for classes, I have to take them or pay for them anyway... So it looks like I'll be doubling up next quarter too. Work is getting easier simply because I've been there about 5 weeks now and I'm getting more and more familiar with my job. Tonight was interesting because it was brought to my attention that someone at work thinks I'm "prickly". I would never, never think to use that term when describing myself. That being said, it is important, I'm learning to examine my behavior and to try to avoid becoming defensive. This is very, very difficult but I know that God's working on teaching me a lesson.
Another lesson that seems to keep presenting itself is learning that I have two ears and one mouth for a reason. :) I really need to practice closing my mouth more. Not because I am saying something that is wrong or hurtful or even inappropriate but because I need to learn to be okay with silence, number one and number two, that I need to practice being a better listener. I was listening to myself tonight and I realized that a lot of the jokes that I make at work are sarcastic and that, maybe, someone didn't understand my intentions. So, I'm going to work on being more attuned to what is coming out of my mouth as well as attempting to limit the amount of talking I do... We'll see how it works! :)

Waiting

There have been some interesting moments in our lives lately... In this season, God is really teaching Lowell and I that He will provide. We aren't always comfortable and we aren't always spoiled, but our needs are always met. There are those days (and even weeks sometimes) when we have everything we could possibly need or want... And then there are days when we need. We really need. And those times can be scary. It is in those moments that I am reminded that all of this is His. Nothing that I have or that I take care of is really mine; I am only meant to be a steward of the gifts I've been given. In addition to this reminder, I believe that God is really stretching Lowell and I in our understanding of what it really means to rely solely on Him; to be destitute except for the goodness and grace of God. Today, we're not destitute, but we are without a second car. Mine is currently on the off ramp to Verrado slightly on fire. Or at least smoldering. It overheated today and it will need to go to the junk yard. That being said, I know that God will provide something else. It is just a scary time because I don't know what He'll provide and I certainly don't know how! So, we are in a waiting period for the next 16 hours or so... And that can be the toughest time of a crisis - the waiting... The wondering and the stressing about if God really will take care of us. "Are you sure He's going to meet our needs? I don't see how He possibly could..." And then, in the future, maybe tomorrow and maybe months down the road, we'll look back on these days and see His hand and see His mercy guiding us through these times. Because He doesn't leave us destitute. And He does meet our needs according to His riches. (And I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure His riches aren't running low like our economy here in the US.) So, tonight we'll wait and we'll work on resting in His peace and remembering that we have His promises to stand on. And tomorrow or sometime in the near future, I'll share with you just how He worked and how He met our needs. Because He will. He always does.

I Hope

On the hiking trip I mentioned below, I took this picture... Looking up at the hill with the sun shining behind this lone cactus, for some reason I was reminded of the cross of Christ standing on the hill. There were three crosses on the hill where our Savior died, but this still seemed reminiscent of that scene. The desert was peaceful - completely quiet and serene. It was just a moment of silent gratitude and remembrance... The price paid was higher than we can ever imagine and the reason is just as incomprehensible. And yet, the story is true. God the Son came down and died a terrible death... All because He loves us. Hard to believe and yet life changing and beautiful. I hope the truth of His sacrifice has changed your life and brought the same peace I experienced that evening into your heart tonight.

Our lives lately

I did something tonight that I haven't done in a while... I laughed until I cried. Why, you ask? Well, it had something to do with beavers, apples and deer poop. Well, mainly it was because of my husband. He's so stinkin' funny. :) There are times when he drives me crazy and times when he makes me weak in the knees... But, when he tries, he can always make me smile. After our laugh fest, I drove to Circle K and got us some ice cream and we sat in the back of the truck in our driveway enjoying the beautiful evening. We talked about pretty much nothing and enjoyed ourselves. These are special days, when I get to spend time with those I love most and take the time to realize how lucky I am!

I've wanted to blog now for awhile but it didn't seem like there was anything big happening.. Anything that was worth sharing with everyone... I also haven't uploaded my photos for quite some time, and now that I've done that, I've been reminded just how much we've been up to.

For example, we found a place nearby where we can go hiking. It is pretty secluded and there is a ton of area to explore. We walked around, looking at footprints and plants and keeping our eyes open for wildlife. We didn't see anything other than a lizard or two even though we brought our binoculars along for the trip. Next time, we're going to go after the monsoon because in the desert with water, of course, comes life.
Nathan had his walking stick and his flashlight that he wears on his head... Silly little one! :) Jillie didn't like walking, she was much more content riding on Daddy's shoulders and viewing life from above. That is unless she had the binoculars... She didn't quite grasp the concept and instead enjoyed using them for a different purpose...

We also decided to send the kids to the charter school after all. It was a very tough decision but, in the end, we made the switch. This was their first week at Odyssey and they are doing well. Nathan's teacher is very strict and I don't know how he's going to do with it... He was doing really well, behaviorally in his class at Bales but now he's been in trouble two days in a row for talking too much in class. I wonder if he simply reacts better to a more lax teaching style. On the other hand, his first grade teacher wasn't strict by any means and he was very talkative there as well. He says that he has made friends at Odyssey and that is why he's talking. I guess its a blessing and a curse. :) Now he just needs to learn the self-control involved with sitting next to friends.

Chloe loves school. She's easy to please and very flexible. We went to the open house held at Odyssesy when we were trying to make our decision and when we first walked into her potential classroom, she walked right up to her teacher and hugged her. Tomorrow she has to take a little lunch bag to school that holds 4 things about her and present it to the class. Tonight as she was choosing the four things she wanted for her bag, she said that she wanted to include her teacher's name because she loves her teacher. :) Isn't that sweet?? :) I'm completely satisfied about Chloe's situation at Odyssey... It is Nathan that I'm worried about. I'm sure it will all come together in time.

Also on the Chloe front, she finally, thanks to Mamoo, got a bicycle of her own! She picked out a green and orange bike. Technically, I suppose its a boys bike, but she likes it. And then she got a very girly purple helmet to go with it. :) And she's been riding it without training wheels. Lowell is working with her, and as he explains, "She does great once she's going, she just can't turn, can't stop, and can't get off or on." So cute! :)