"God gives us one primary job - knowing Him - and our ability to do that job hinges on what we see as a weakness. This is not a mistake; its His design. We must know God to do His work, and we must experience God's grace to really know Him, and we must need His grace to experience it. He made us needy so that we could accomplish what He wanted in only one way - through Him."
So, instead of my weaknesses being flaws - as I so often see them, my weaknesses are actually a gift from God - an example of His grace. He allows me to know Him through my need for Him. This understanding came as quite an epiphany. I don't know about you, but the idea that I was created weak by an all powerful God, just didn't make sense. And I hated (ok, hate - not totally over it yet! :)) how weak and prone to failure I am. It does make it a little easier when I can accept that I was made this way and that God knows I'm going to fail. I'm created and destined to fail. Not very positive, and yet kind of freeing at the same time.
Along those lines, I've got a situation that I'm struggling with... There is a person in my life who I have pretty well written off. During Lowell and my "dark days" a few years ago, I turned to this person for support and some practical help. I was rebuffed and sent packing. This person is not a believer and some have suggested that because of this fact, I should forgive and repair the relationship. Regardless of their status as believer or not, I feel hurt. I've never received an apology - nor do I expect one because I believe this person wouldn't see any wrongdoing on their part. So, I'm stuck. I know that I'm supposed to forgive but forgiveness is something that I'm working on in a lot of arenas of my life. I honestly don't think I know how to do it... And honestly, I'm not sure that I'm ready to forgive... I'm still angry and I don't desire a renewed relationship with this person. Any thoughts?
On a more positive note, Linda and Brett came up to visit last weekend! For those who don't know, Linda is Lowell's sister and Brett is her new husband! The kids loved spending time with their Auntie Leeda and their Uncle Brad. They were only able to spend the day with us and I was left wishing that we could be closer... I love spending time with them, although I must admit that I spend a lot of time trying to be sure that Linda likes me. I try to have a clean house and well-behaved children and I try to be witty and intelligent. Ever noticed how when you try to do your very best, it often ends up backfiring?? :) Well, C'est la vie... And, more importantly, they announced that they are 2 weeks pregnant!!!!! :) She'll be due in June and they are going to find out what they're having ASAP! :) Linda said that will help with the huge name choosing task. They are going to be such great parents! I hope we are able to be close to our nephew or neice! :)
While they were here, we went to Big Trees State Park. They are the outdoorsy type and so Lowell thought they'd enjoy it. They did, of course. Linda had been there as a child and this was Brett's first time. The kids held hands with Linda and Brett and Nathan was our 'tour guide'. He visited the park on a field trip last year and remembered most of what he had learned. :) Personally, I was looking forward to having another couple around who likes to play games - if only for a day! I love board games and there aren't many other couples around we can get together with who enjoy them as well. Linda and Brett are game people! :) I'm sad that we are moving farther away from them instead of closer but I am hopeful that our new lifestyle in Phoenix will enable us to visit them in Oregon and also that they will be able to come stay with us for an extended period when we have our own space.
Our own space... Wow.. I can't wait. Thank you Lord for giving us this opportunity and I pray that we will honor you with our choices, our decisions and with our finances. And I pray that our kids are as happy with the move as we are!