Saturday, December 6, 2008

Early New Year's Resolutions

So I just spent my afternoon watching the first two High School Musicals the first one while I walked/ran on the treadmill (Yeah me!!!) and the second while I worked on Nathan's homework assignment - helping him make a wreath. The movies reminded me that I really had the perfect high school experience. I was popular, I was friends with a ton of people; I was good at school - studying came easy; I was co-captain of the cheerleading squad; I had an older boyfriend who spoiled me silly; and I was a bona-fide beauty queen! I mean, what more could you ask for? And I miss those days. I miss the ease and all the fun. Responsibility sure puts a damper on things, doesn't it? I've been noticing that I need to take more joy in the life I have now instead of comparing it to "before" and to the lives of others. I have so much to be thankful for. But still I'm discontent. Isn't that how it always is? At least that's how I am - selfish. I struggle against my selfish nature because it really dampens my joy. I've heard that the first step to discontentment is comparison... Well I love to compare. I love to see how my life compares to other peoples; how my kids compare and even how my body compare with other peoples. I'm sure I've mentioned how Lowell and I "show" each other how the other one looks. Anyway, I know it's early, but I already know what my New Year's resolution will be - I'm going to stop comparing my life both to the lives of others and to 'what used to be'. It's going to be a big challenge so I'm starting early. First I'm going to just start being aware of how frequently I compare and what situations led me to comparison so that I can begin to get an idea of how big a monster I have to tackle! :)
I've identified a lot of behaviors that contribute to my comparing problem. One is that I am very detail orientated instead of being long-term, whole issue focused. For example, when there is a mistake made, I just see the mistake, I don't see the whole picture. I'm definitely too much of a perfectionist. Also, I never quit thinking and analysing things. I really need to get my head to shut up - or at least to start thinking about other things. So, I'm going to try to identify when my head is just meaninglessly wandering and getting into trouble and either start reciting scripture to myself over and over or I'm going to sing worship songs. So, that's the to-do list. I'd better get started! :)

1 comment:

The Northrups said...

What a wonderful journey you're on! Love, Kirsten