Friday, July 10, 2009

Lessons and Meditations

I'd like to put a bubble around my boy. I think he is so precious... And so vulnerable. Up to this point in his life, he's grown up in a very sheltered environment. Now, living here, his potential for being corupted has skyrocketed. Already he has learned some new words. First came 'crap', which, admittedly, he may have gotten from me. Then came the day I heard "friggin'". Trouble sat on him hard that day. Some lessons have been difficult. For example, he's been learning to take responsibility for his choices. For example, when Jillian continuously begs him to give her a turn with whatever he is playing with, and he finally gets so frustrated that he just gives it to her. And then he whines and cries. I've been working to teach him that giving it to her was his choice. Even though she was driving him nuts, it was ultimately his choice. We've been working hard on personal boundaries all around. Nathan and I have also been working together at leaving responsibility where it belongs. We've been talking about how it is our job to do the right thing and to be sure to apoligize when we've made a mistake but then to let go of it, not accept guilt or blame that isn't ours. Its a tough job. And it extends to Jillian too. She's working on learning respect. She needs to understand that when her brother and sister say no, or when they ask her to stop, she needs to respect their wishes. These are the teaching lessons occuring here in our house. In addition to the regular, don't put the ferret in the toilet, no twirling on the kitchen table, and please, PLEASE clean up your room!!!
Personally, I'm working on being better connected in my relationship with Christ. I'm working on a lot of things. There are always at least 5 or 10 things that I want to fix about myself. Because my frustrations with myself never seem to end, and whatever progress I make toward improvement never seems to be enough, I've been trying to find a new way. I think my new plan is going to be this: Just stop trying. I'm going to stop trying to fix myself and stop focusing on myself entirely. I'm going to work to get my focus on the perfection of Him and off of myself. If I can see how wonderful He is and can understand better how He acutally dwells in me.. How could I see myself in such a negative light knowing that God is within me?? Even an ugly church is beautiful when the presence of God is there! I figure the same applies to me! The new plan is to focus on the new creation: "The old life is gone; a new life has begun" (2 Cor. 5:17) So, I'm working to get the focus off of me and onto the One who is changing me. And I'm hoping, along the way, to teach my children to put their focus on Him too.
I've also taken a recent interest in meditation. I've had a bias against the idea of meditation because whenever I think of it, I picture Buddhist monks and Eastern alternative healing. Then I was reminded that God commands us to meditate on His word. What does that look like exactly? I'm working on that one. Does anyone have any suggestions? I think the hardest part will be learning to quiet my mind. If you know me, you know that I'm not usually quiet. And if I'm not talking, it will be even harder to not think!! So, suggestions are very welcome!!!


theKband said...

No ferrets in the toilet? Man, you guys are strict.

The Northrups said...

You are definitely on to something with stopping trying!! I try to just pray for God to leta his spirit be patience through me, peace through me, etc - and I stop trying and watch the impossible made possible :-) Love you