Sunday, April 18, 2010


I haven't been posting as frequently as I've wanted to... And I haven't been emailing as much or as frequently as I've wanted to either. I'm just so busy. And I've been working through some stuff lately that is taking an emotional toll as well as taking my time. As a counselor-to-be, I'm sure I've talked about the need for me to work through some of my own issues so that they don't pop up and create issues when I'm counseling others. Because of this, and because of my own desire for emotional health, I've been praying about God healing my wounds. Ironically, and providencially, I believe, our pastor has been teaching a series called "Wounded". The first week was about betrayal. We all know about betrayal, I'm sure. I have experienced betrayal from friends, but mainly from family. There were people in my life from early on that didn't understand what it means to protect children and to teach them about love and safety... Pastor talked about how we can forgive these people. He said that the Bible teaches that we acknowledge our hurts and then we make a conscious choice to say "I forgive you" and then we continue the work by praying God's best for these people. So the whole congregation had little index cards, wrote the name of the person(s) who had betrayed them, and wrote "I forgive you" along with saying a prayer of blessing for them and then putting the cards on the alter to symbolically give these people to God. I did this.. And its been surprising how much of a difference its made to be praying for these people....
One of the things I missed most, growing up, was the feeling that who I am, whatever failures and mistakes I've made, whoever I am at any given momen is okay. I never felt like I was enough, like I was good enough, smart enough, well-behaved enough, funny enough, etc... I had my first panic attack in kindergarten because I got my name on the board. Anyway, around age 8 or so, I found a song that was exactly what I wanted to hear. It was what I wished my mom and my guardians would say to me. Its a song called "Masterpiece" by Sandi Patti.... And so, now that I'm a mom, I sing it to my children. I let them know that the very fact that they are alive means that they are incredible, beautiful, amazing creations of God. I tell them that I love them even when I'm mad or frustrated. I tell them that no matter what, they can come talk to me about anything - that no failure, no mistake is too much for me to handle. And that God will not leave them or stop loving them either... Because that is what I wanted to hear... I hope they're listening.

1 comment:

Stony and Brit said...

Rani,that makes me cry. I am thrilled that you get the opportunity to work through things in a healthy way with God and with truth spoken to you and then sharing that with your kids! That is awesome that you share your love and God's love so enormously with them! It makes sad that you felt that way, because no kid should feel that way. And ever since I have known you I have though you are such an AMAZING woman--patient, loving, generous, engaged, beautiful, giving, encouraging, flexible, open...absolutely AMAZING in SO many ways!