Thursday, January 1, 2009


Well, the tears finally came. Unfortunately, it wasn't until after Lowell came home and asked me how my day went. He was already stressed and I didn't want to add my junk to his... But he insisted. And then when I tried to tell him, I started bawling. At least the tears finally came. And I definitely felt better I cried. And after I tried to make amends with Chloe. She always takes the brunt of my anger. I don't understand why... But when I get mad, its almost always aimed at her. And it breaks my heart because she rarely deserves to get in trouble at all... There is no perfection in motherhood. (That's a gross understatment, by the way!) And I'm not a person who deals well with anything other than perfection... Time to get over that one, huh? I really don't understand my anger issues... And I've tried to analyze myself and my issues but I don't feel like I got very far... Instead, I've decided to stop looking outward, stop looking inward and start looking upward. I really need to spend more time in the Word. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you..." Matthew 6:33 My classes start Monday and I'm really praying that I can take some more Bible classes because I get so much enjoyment out of studying the Word in classes... And then I don't have to be internally motivated either because I have external motivation. :)


God's Girl said...

I think you have it right. Seek Him first and everything else will fall right into place.

Keep chasing righteousness! Press into Jesus for this coming year.

Bless you!!!

The Northrups said...

Sweet Rani! I'm so glad someone else needs a break from a child hanging on them...! I live for naptime somedays - because at naptime, I make my chocolate coffee and my Bible and that's the best time of the day. I feel totally refreshed afterwards, and ready to be a human jungle gym :-)

Anonymous said...

I have the same days with my life too. though I wish I were home so that I could give you a break or something. Miss you. Michelly