Saturday, September 17, 2011

Learning from My Children

I started thinking about trust today because of my kids. Chloe actually started the train of thought. We were at the park this morning taking a leisurely walk because the temperatures were actually in the low 100s when Chloe ran past me with a suggestion for Jillian. "Close your eyes and run a little bit and shake your head like this. Its fun!" She was running in the field, eyes completely closed, shaking her head back and forth. I was in awe. There are times when the kids want to surprise me and ask me to close my eyes as they lead me to their room, or to another part of the house... And I have a very difficult time trusting them to lead me when I can't see. The field Chloe was running through has trees, light poles, a hill, holes in the ground... All potential hazards, but she was carefree enough to close her eyes and run. Not walk, run. And not just that - she was shaking her head back and forth completely enjoying the ride.
Trust is not something that comes easy for me. It took a long time for me to develop trust in Lowell and even now, I still have moments where I have to stop myself from worrying and remind myself that its okay to let go of my fear. I even question God at times. There are situations where I find myself or my family where I look around and wonder if He really does have it all under control. Or I hear direction from Him that freaks me out and makes me question if His wisdom really is infallible or if His way is really the best way to live life. Walking on faith takes a lot of trust and sometimes causes a lot of sleepless nights.

I love that my kids haven't grown up having to question the people in their lives. They have been surrounded by people who make promises and then keep them. We mean what we say. I know that time will teach them that they can't rely on everyone and that there are people in the world who will misuse their trust, but I'm hopeful that by having our family be a place of reliability, they won't struggle with the same issues that I do.

God never gives us a reason to question Him, but that doesn't mean that trust comes easily. Faith is something that grows as we trust God and then see that He is faithful. The problem comes in learning that I don't know better than God. There is always a sense of ego that gets in my way. I think I can do a better job managing my life that He can. The same problem shows up in my relationship with Lowell because I am supposed to submit to his decisions and, sometimes, I question them and do my own thing instead. I think I'm learning slowly. At least I hope I'm learning. Pride, ego, fear... All difficult things to get under control. Its a good thing I know Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.


Stony and Brit said...

I know this post isn't about the picture, but you look beautiful.

jesuslovesgiraffes said...

You are so sweet and you made me smile today. I love you very much MRE...